tired midwest parents

Flaming Lips. Hemingway. Beyonce.

They’re all with us on this quest to find the sleep that will allow us to thrive day in and day out. Sleep is obviously essential in being present and consistent for others, especially our children. It may not be every night, but I can be a pattern that allows us to fit those much needed hours into our week. When good sleep happens, it’s an accumulation of planning, nutrition, activity, and mindfulness.

Ok, maybe sometimes it’s just exhaustion from a full and challenging day.

So. (Hand to forehead) What to do?

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The Flaming Lips offered this simple advice at the end of their 7th studio album Clouds Taste Metallic, released in 1995. The song, Bad Days, very briefly offers dialogue of advice to a disaffected dreamer who finds themselves “sorta stuck” where they are. This sentiment is a familiar one that I’ve lived through and seen around me in friends, family, and very present in social media commentary.

What sticks with me is the simple suggestion of making the effort to sleep in when you’re able and its potential to end the likelihood of having bad days as a result. Can it be that simple? Just go to bed when you’re tired? Stay in bed as long as you can?

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”
― Ernest Hemingway

Truth.

Being full time working parents often challenges a healthy balance of sleep and schedule. We’re constantly fighting to make time for ourselves, often borrowing time and creating sleep debt to spend those few extra minutes with a book, a movie, or each other. That seems like an acceptable strategy.

Until we crash.

I understand the desire to want to prioritize time recharging, but often can’t seem to find it. We try to put off falling apart by absorbing caffeine, hydrating, and staying active. Our moods shift, our expectations change, and our attention wanes. Those around us often will notice, but are often on a similar path, so they won’t judge or intervene unless theirs genuine concern.

“Having peace, happiness, and healthiness is my definition of beauty. And you can’t have any of that without sleep.” – Beyonce

Yes.

She’s right. However, I’m curious as to whether it’s any easier for her in the position she’s in to accomplish that balance. I can’t compare an average working parent’s routines and responsibilities to that of an international pop star. At the end of the day busy is busy, right?

What is peace? Is it feeling accomplished and task free? Is it being in sync with those you’re connected to?

What is happiness? Is it tangible or spiritual? Is it constant or just an every changing metric?

What is healthiness? Mental, physical, and so many other potential buckets to fill here.

Everyone’s perception of these will differ. But sleep is sleep.

What I come back to day after day is the simple fight to justify what we do to stay awake. So ask yourself these questions, and any others that help you figure out why you’re still up after midnight fussing with something that’s non essential:

• What are we sacrificing for those few more moments of stimulation and input?
• Is staying up worth the strain and irritation it may cause the following day?
• Does the work I’m doing now justify the aches and pains tomorrow?
• Does this activity excuse the attitude and lack of focus I’m risking in the morning?
• Are we still in our 20s? (The answer here is No.)

Everyone’s day, body, time, and routine will be different. When it works for us though, taking the advice of the three creative influences above, it’s build around a few essentials.

• Hydration (With a Reasonable Cut Off Time Well Before Bed)
• Early Dinners (Keeping that Stomach Quiet, No More Bad Dreams)
• Bed Time Routines (For You, For Kids, For Everyone)
• Moments of Peace (Music, Silence, Stretching, Meditation, Books)
• Breathe (Don’t Forget To)

We’re still searching for consistency. We probably always will be. We really like the idea of having an impact on ending Bad Days though, and we’re committed to working with each other and anyone who will listen and support in the journey.

What keeps you up?

What does and doesn’t work for you?

-Tired Midwest Parents